ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
