I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
