He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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