She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
