Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
