She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize