So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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