dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
