Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
