i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
