you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
