All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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