I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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