were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
