Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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