I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Alive.
So much puke
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
