then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Best friends brother. Beat that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
