My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
