I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
