Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
