call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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