this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
