There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
