Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
