So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
