I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
