I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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