I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
