that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
