I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
