I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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