It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
