Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
