And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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