also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
