Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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