I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
