I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
