i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
