he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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