O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
