Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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