dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
