twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Alive.
So much puke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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