People in love make me want to vomit
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm both gender and math confused
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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