Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize