U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
