Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
