we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
