Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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