This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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