Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
