I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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