if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
