remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
