the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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