I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
