so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
