absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
