lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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