she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
