And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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