So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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