if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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