i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
